Masking how we feel and putting on a brave face when we are actually super exhausted and frustrated can become a big source of stress and feeling of disconnect.
Have you ever found yourself volunteering to make a three course meal from scratch for a casual – “I’ve got it all together, so let’s have 10 people over” – kind of dinner or organising your best friend’s birthday party with a giant guest list, when in reality you feel super stressed and behind on all major points in your life? This kind of behaviour is likely to have you feeling incredibly uncomfortable, because what’s going on, on the inside, isn’t matching up to what’s happening on the outside!
When we are honest about who we are, we are honouring our inner world and nourishing our connection to ourselves, because we know that we are not playing a game. By being who we are, we are given peace of mind and contentment. You can’t live happily, being a people pleaser.
Reprogramming ourselves to be more vulnerable and authentic
If I were being honest about who I am, this subject is a bit of a sore point for me, even with all the amounts of self-work, therapy and spiritual healing I still find myself sometimes wanting to control other people’s reaction and even how other people perceive me. It’s really rather exhausting, not to mention time consuming, however it’s also actually a very natural behaviour for many of us.
If you find you can relate, it’s time to re-program that social conduct to be more vulnerable and authentic, to show that you don’t always have it all together and that its okay not to be okay.
What’s the medicine? Well first and foremost, it is important to remember that we as humans need to connect, otherwise we wither, just like a flower without water. The only way to truly connect to others is by showing them our real-selves. We need to let other people know what is going on, on the inside, otherwise we are just a pack of zombies roaming about.
Trust that everything happens for a reason
Knowing why it’s important to let ourselves be seen is one thing, but knowing how to go about this truth-business is another, right? Well, trust is the key here. You have to trust that you are okay no matter what and that you can forget any bag-lady fear. Trust that nobody, no matter how mad they get, can take away your health, your kids and most importantly your relationship with yourself.
For me, knowing that everything happens for a reason and that I am just a tiny piece of the puzzle of what we call life is grounding. There are also many tools you can use to feel more connected, such as yoga, therapy, coaching, meditation, breath-work, each helping us to feel more safe and to trust that we are ok no matter what happens. When things are happening that aren’t ‘great’, being honest with ourselves by daring to tell others and share what we are feeling can bring such relief.
Drop the mask, it’s such a freeing feeling!
Try dropping the mask and showing your vulnerable side, your humanity and let others know that you don’t have it all together or you’re having a bad day. Being willing to take the first step and be honest about things will have ripple effects. It will organically inspire others to do the same, which in turn can also provide relief in that you aren’t alone. I promise you!
Of course, you should consider who you run things by and make sure they are worthy of your trust. Not everybody will know how to handle your vulnerability, especially if they haven’t learned this life skill themselves. They’re not wrong for it and hopefully they will also learn to drop the mask too someday, when they are ready.
Try dropping the mask, its such a freeing feeling. I know all too well, how scary it can be, so no doubt it’ll take some practice, baby steps! Once you are able to be completely honest comfortably, you will be gifted with life feeling that little bit less complicated, because you’ll have one less thing to worry about!
“It can be so exhausting trying to be the captain of not only your own ship but also everybody else’s, it’s a FULL time job, and you don’t even get paid for it!”
Here’s the best bit… The real gift from this new behaviour, is the feeling of connection to yourself, you begin to feel more in alignment because you know that other people’s reaction is really not up to you, so you don’t have a choice but to let go of it.
Don’t be afraid of losing people, be afraid of losing yourself while trying to please them.
About the Author – www.balancedpeople.com
Sandra is a Kundalini Yoga & Meditation teacher with focus on destressing via breathwork. She has made it her life mission to help others thrive in life instead of surviving life. This she helps facilitate by restoring the connection to self through her online coaching and Optimum Vitality and Empowered Women Retreats, held in select places in Ibiza and Scandinavia.