Do you ever find yourself behaving in a way which is how others such as your parents, your partner your friends or even your kids think you should be? Have you ever found yourself feeling lonely even when in company?
Well, you aren’t alone! Well, certainly not in having these feelings anyway. It’s a common trait that us humans have, to want to please others. The problem is that by doing so, we can often lose touch with ourselves, our real-selves. If you are tailoring your personality in order to be liked, however great you may be at it, it will hurt. At some stage you may find that you’ve put down your own needs and wants for so long, that you don’t even know what you actually want in life anymore. And that’s hard place to be in, believe me!
Its actually a bit funny in sort of a sad way, but most of my life, since I was a child, I have acted the way I thought others wanted me to be. My parents are very loving people, no doubt about it, but for various reasons, I decided at a very young age, to make sure that everybody had to like me. From doing so for so long, I lost myself. I didn’t know what I liked or disliked, or what actually made me happy anymore.
I spent 5 years studying law, when I actually really wanted to do social science but I thought that there wasn’t enough money or prestige in it and that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my friends. I ignored my inner voice for so long, it really began to take its tole on me. I began to experience stress, burn out, anger bouts and physical challenges. To be honest, I just felt like a fraud in my own life.
What really makes you happy?
Think about what makes you happy. No, I’m not talking about, what you want in the material sense of the word. A new car, a big house, a new Louis Vuitton bag, NO, not that, though it can definitely sweeten your life, but it definitely won’t make you happy. Im talking about what really makes you happy. What gets you running out of bed in the morning? Which of your friends truly inspire you? Who supports you and believes in you?
It’s not easy, nothing worth doing ever is, but walking away from negative conversations and people on the “social ladder”, will help you find your way back towards achieving more of what really makes you happy! Who wants to live in one big charade? Not me. You?
Instead focus your energy on what or who feels meaningful and fun. When someone asks you what you want, take the time to check in with yourself… “What do I really want?” “Is ‘X’ in alignment with the real me?” And, if you don’t really want to do it, don’t! It doesn’t matter if it will get you more money, more clients or more so called “friends” because the price-tag is too high in the end.
What is the price of pretending to be happy?
The price of pretending to be happy when you’re not or saying yes to doing something that actually makes you depressed, is VERY high! The effects, could end up weaving themselves into your whole life, manifesting into all kinds of mental or physical ailments. In my case it got me feeling somewhat numb and rather lost.
If you are feeling somewhat lost, read my recent post ‘What is true happiness’. Learn to pinpoint your values and design your own personal GPS to help you navigate through making decisions for yourself. Take on the challenge of being more ‘you’ and not just what you think others want you to be. Find a deeper connection with yourself, because you are just not willing to pay the price.
About the author:
Sandra is a personal development junkie and has made it her life mission to help others thrive in life instead of surviving life. This helps facilitate by restoring the connection to self through her coaching, workshops, retreats & Kundalini Yoga classes. Coach, a Kundalini Yoga, meditation and breathwork teacher and a qualified fitness instructor. With a Master degree in law and extensive experience as an entrepreneur, Sandra knows from experience what the rewards, the challenges and the pitfalls of a high-profile lifestyle can be. She has been successful in setting up and running a recruitment firm and several digital start-ups, the latter in cooperation with her best friend and former husband. In this process, she has grown both as a professional and as an individual. She has also successfully dealt with the need to transform unhealthy lifestyle choices and the need for recovery from burn-out. Re-connecting to her body through yoga & meditation played a crucial part in finding her way back to an authentic and balanced way of living. www.balancedpeople.com